Meet the Furry Five (and their human ambassador)
by Stephanie Ernst
01-11-2008

Chance, Corgi Lab mix, age 11: Cat- and food-obsessed. Has playful puppy personality, but arthritis and a steadily whitening face betray her age. Bad allergies. Discovered love of pre-dawn barking at age 10. Perhaps because of neglect during early years, is overly attached to human companion and preoccupied with all things edible. Prone to Houdini-like feats of reaching and binging on the seemingly unreachable. Once smelled like butter for a week. Drags butt across carpets at inappropriate times.

Ella, Greyhound, age 7: Playful but prissy. Whines incessantly if she doesn’t have a soft spot on which to lie down. Likes to rest her head on the backs of shorter dogs. Carries floppy toy frog in mouth while barreling around yard, periodically tossing frog into the air, to prove it’s trying to escape. Displays puzzling fear of the cats and the Zoom Groom and has embarrassing poop-eating habit. Tattoos inside of ears offer occasional sad reminders of her exploitative racing history.

Sara, Lab mix, age 9: Easily excitable well-meaning oaf. May be smarter than she lets on. Has an unfortunate tendency to roll in and eat dead things. Periodically knocks things over or causes bruising with powerful tail. Leaves trail of black hair on everything she touches. Despite deceptively mean bark, would drown you in slobbery kisses before even thinking about hurting you physically. Bad, bad case of halitosis. With the exception of her canine housemates, generally prefers people to other dogs.

Matty, part-Persian cat, age 9: Long-haired littermate to Willy. Looks like a tough sourpuss when her hair is long and like a delicate stuffed toy when shaved. Periodically beats up her brother with no provocation but at other times curls up next to him. Likes to sit next to me and rest her paw on my hand or arm while I type. Messiest eater in the house. Once trapped herself inside a duvet cover. Thinks that introducing herself by proudly presenting her butt, just inches from people’s faces, is appropriate social behavior.

Willy, part-Persian cat, age 9: Serious cuddler. Likes to hide under the blanket that is supposed to protect the couch from his extreme hairiness. Taunts dogs for apparent amusement. Due to midlife crisis in early 2007, now wants to see the world. Unwitting future test subject for kitty harness. Enjoys chasing wads of paper, licking heating vents, and knocking over trashcans. Has been dragging the same green ribbon across the house, usually while howling and usually during the wee hours, for four years.

Stephanie, pale human, age 20-something: Your columnist and one of the Furry Five’s two humans. Freelance editor and writer. In love with her animals—even when the dogs eat poop, the cats track wet food and other nastiness across the couch, everyone vomits everywhere on the same day, they all deposit enough hair in corners and on area rugs to weave sweaters for the entire population of a small town, the cost of their monthly vet visits and medications is twice the monthly cost of groceries, and their escapades derail even the best planned work schedules. Excited to be writing this column, trying out cool products from cool local stores, and sharing the experiences with you. Please join us; we promise at least an occasional laugh and regular tips and ideas for improving or easing daily life for you and your own furry companions.

You can email Stephanie Ernst at mail@stephanie-ernst.com.

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