Options for GLBT parents are multiplying
by Rebecca Perlow
05-25-2007

“Welcome to the gayby boom,” psychologist Diane Ehrensaft said, before showing a clip of “Daddy and Papa,” the story of a gay couple and their life with their daughter.

More than 70 people turned out Saturday, May 19 to attend the event titled “Psychological And Legal Aspects of Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) and Adoption in GLBT Families” at the Ethical Society of St. Louis in Richmond Heights.

The program was sponsored by several groups including the St. Louis Psychoanalytic Society, Southampton Health Care, Left Bank Books, Children of Lesbian and Gays Everywhere (COLAGE) and MoKaBe’s Coffee House. Presenter Catherine Williamson opened the program about the “reproductive revolution,” the use of advanced reproductive technologies such as egg and sperm donation, gestational surrogates, biological surrogates, embryonic transfer and even gamete chryo presentation.

“Let’s say a transgender female-to-male is thinking of starting a family. Before the transition, they can have some eggs put in a chryo bank and stored for a later date,” Williamson said. “These are not future options. These are current options that are also being used by the straight community.”

Ehrensaft, author of “Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates: Answering Tough Questions and Building Strong Families,” addressed issues such as the rights of non-biological parents, the role of donors, and the legalities of genetic and non-genetic parents.

According to the 2000 national census, 33 percent of lesbian couples and 22 percent of gay male couples have at least one child under the age of 18. Gay and lesbian parents have created a “sea change” in the realm of reproductive medical services, especially in the policy concerning donor identity.

Ehrensaft’s term “birth other” originated as a typographical error in one of her reports but is now used in her book as a gender neutral term for people who act as surrogates or donate gametes to same-sex couples hoping to start a family. The term also avoids the problematic use of “parent” in the case of an anonymous donor.

Along with Williamson and Ehrensaft, several gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) parents appeared on the panel, each sharing their own stories of how they became parents, their use of adoption or assisted reproductive technology, and some of the legal difficulties they faced.

Paul, the father of two teenage boys both adopted as infants through the foster care system, went so far as to marry his oldest son’s foster mother, Amy, to aid in the adoption process. The four parents — Paul and his partner, Amy and hers — then moved into a single house together.

During a break in the program, Left Bank Books sold copies of Ehrensaft’s book along with other books on GLBT parenting including Dan Savage’s “The Kid”and Harlyn Aizley’s “Confessions of the Other Mother: Non-Biological Lesbian Parents Tell All.” Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) and COLAGE both had information tables while MoKaBe’s served free coffee and tea.

The seminar closed with the parents on the panel offering their advice for any prospective GLBT parents in the audience.

“Make sure both partners are 100 percent for making a family with a child,” Joe said. The father of two sons, Joe’s eldest child was the product of artificial insemination with his former partner. “You have to want a child because it changes your whole life.”

“Be gentle with your child and let them go at their own pace. They’re not going to want to tell everyone or even bring [their friends] home right away. It changes at different ages.”

Ehrensaft closed the program with some advice of her own.

“The kids often do as well as their parents do and their parents do as well as the community around them and the support they receive.”

You can e-mail Rebecca Perlow at ladyjane52983@hotmail.com.

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